ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
