In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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