ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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