i think i have herpe
just one?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
