He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
