I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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