I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
