we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
