I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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