Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
