We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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