I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
