I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
