She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
