we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
