Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
