You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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