I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
