I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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