I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
