I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A bitchslap is in order.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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