don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
