Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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