I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
