I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy sore nipples Batman
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
