dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
