no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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