Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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