In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The beer is more important than you right now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
