Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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