This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
