when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
