i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
