No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
