The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
