took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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