please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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