That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
