Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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