And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
