Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
