Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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