Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
