youre lurking in front of me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
