I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
