I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
