i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
