I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
