The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want her autograph on my taint
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
