Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
