i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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