Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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