Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
