Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
