ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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