Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
