Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
